Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
