Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
