We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
