Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
