took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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