cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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