My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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