Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
