My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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