Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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