you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
