In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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