So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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