i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
