peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
