So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
