There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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