the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
