dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
