So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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