You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
