you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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