Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
