i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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