Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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