Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
