How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
