just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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