Can i not drive my cunt home
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
