what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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