My sheets look like a crime scene.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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