I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
