Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
