He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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