im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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