I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
