drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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