The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
