Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
