even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
