Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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