tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
