Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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