Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
