Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
