his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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