He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
