planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
