If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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