I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
