if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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