my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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