they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I need moral support for this bender
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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