Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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