3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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